As is often the case with tour match reporting, it's hard
to know when one reporter's duties end and the next begins. We'll briefly
mention the festivities at the Green Dragon, which wrapped up the first night
of the tour. A wonderful meal was had by all, with ample wine flowing
throughout the night. As the wine flowed and comments regarding hangovers
abounded, our friendly waiter noted he would rather “a bottle in front of me
than a frontal lobotomy.”
This reporter was among the unfortunate few who, due to the
larger than usual travelling party, was unable to lodge at the Green Dragon and
had to seek accommodation in the surrounding area. This required an early exit
and taxi before things got too out of hand or too late. We left the party to
the cries of "wine me!" echoing throughout the emptied restaurant.
The next morning, this reporter and fellow player George
Love, along with our partners, were collected by Simon Brodbeck after a
wonderful breakfast prepared by our Airbnb host. After collecting our vehicle,
we made tracks for the Inkpen cricket ground in Hungerford, which,
interestingly, we were later told by the opposition scorer is the largest
village in Europe by square footage. Do with that as you will.
After an easy hour's drive through rolling hills and what
seemed like never-ending earthworks, we finally arrived at our destination: a
lovely looking ground.
With our usual Sunday opponents Cricklade suffering from
flooding earlier in the year and finding themselves a) without a ground and b)
unable to raise a team, Simon took to "Tinder for Cricket" and was
able to find us an opponent for the day in Inkpen. Unsure of the respective
calibres of each team and with the aim of making a match of it, both captains
agreed that the Strollers should open the batting. This was a good outcome for
Captain Oliver, who, as all readers will know, is a historically terrible coin
caller.
Captain Oliver opted for an unusual approach of mixing the
batting lineup, which saw usual opener Love paired with spin king Steve Rogers.
After suffering an injury to his bowling arm, Rogers decided to turn himself
into a useful top-order batsman. The two opened well, with Rogers scoring
rather more freely than Love at the other end. The first wicket fell when Love
put one straight down the throat of mid-on, out for nine.
This brought Mike Daly to the crease, who proceeded to look
strong and score quickly until he too was undone and caught off the bowling of
Jacques. With the Strollers sitting at 61-2 after 11 overs this brought a
somewhat befuddled opening bowler to the crease batting at No 4 (this
reporter).
Seeing this as a good an opportunity as any to pad out his
batting stats and batting credentials, this reporter set about “building an
innings”. Having played most of his cricket these last few years in the social
T20 leagues of Wellington batting as a number 5-7 he’s not quite sure what that
is. After looking solid for long periods of time Rogers was finally undone out
caught for 29.
Welcome to the middle HRH Rob "I don’t get
hangovers" Wall, looking to have suffered the most ill-effects from the
previous evening's festivities. He was at pains to reassure everyone it was not
a hangover, thus keeping his reputation intact. If it was not a hangover,
perhaps he had suffered a frontal lobotomy? Actions throughout his innings with
Freddie Broster-Turley leave more questions than answers.
Broster-Turley and Wall, noting the ample number of overs
remaining, chatted in the middle about taking their chances and avoiding
anything silly. For Broster-Turley, this meant slashing at anything and
everything, resulting in quick runs and the only six of the day. For Wall, it
meant numerous attempts to sell Broster-Turley down the river with quick
singles that were never there.
Finally, Wall called for another quick single, with the
fielder at square leg producing a quick pick-up and throw resulting in a direct
hit, leaving Broster-Turley inches away from safety. Some on the sideline said
even Usain Bolt in his prime wouldn’t have made that run. Broster-Turley was
out for a quickfire 26.
Wall fell shortly thereafter to a brutal yorker, which he
popped to first slip, troubling the scorers as much as Love did with nine.
Simon, in at No 7, having been caught ruthlessly on 7,999 career runs by our
own Mike Pittams the previous day, was sent out to bat and duly scored his 8,000th
run for the Strollers to cheers from the sidelines. That was as good as it got
for Brodbeck, as he was bowled by Knape soon after without adding to the score.
Next to fall was Captain Oliver, who had anchored the
innings, coming in at No 6. He rode his luck early in the innings against the
young Inkpen bowler Yash. Yash kept a tight line and induced Oliver to go
straight down the ground, only for Yash’s father, riding the long-off boundary,
to drop a tough chance while Oliver was only on single digits. Ultimately,
Oliver was undone by an edge through to the keeper, out for a solid 45.
In at No 8 was usual top-order batsman Pittams, who scored
a quickfire 20 before being bowled by Dixon. Neale Mullholland, in at nine, was
the next man to fall after he skied his first ball, which was comfortably
taken, out for a duck. Durham had his second, and the Strollers were teetering
at 164-8 with plenty of overs remaining.
This saw an unusual final wicket pairing of Stair Macaulay,
batting at 10, who, having recently found some form with the bat, informed the
sideline this was due to a new pair of spectacles procured two weeks prior.
These spectacles not only allowed him to see but also somehow stopped him from
hitting across the line quite so much. Stair was paired with previous day's
centurion Blair Travis, demoted to 11 to see us home. Some lofty blows from
Travis and quick singles later, eventually saw Stair caught for seven, and the
Strollers' innings ended all out for 188.
It was time for tea, and thanks to our hosts who put out a
magnificent spread in a wonderful location. After bellies were filled, it was
time to see what unusual bowling choices Captain Oliver would produce today. He
did not disappoint, choosing to hand the new ball to rampaging Pittams at one
end and the spin of Travis at the other.
Pittams is the first to admit he’s unsure why captains
continue the Pittams bowling experiment when one week it might be bouncers and
full tosses, and the next might be an exhibition of pace bowling. This week was
a mixture of both, with the grunts from the bowler's end getting louder and
louder, and the pace from Pittams faster and faster.
No one was hurt in the opening salvos and Pittams was able
to prise out the first wicket in his second over. The score was 12-1. Pittams
snared the second wicket in his fourth over and was duly taken out of the
attack, finishing with figures of 2-14-4 -- a Pittams experiment that can be
considered a roaring success.
Pittams’ second victim began a string of wickets to fall in
every over from the seventh through to the 12th over, producing six wickets for
only eight runs.
From the other end, Travis toiled away, going at a miserly
rate, having conceded only four runs off his first three overs. In his fourth
over, Travis struck, dismissing the dangerous-looking Jake Whiteway for 12.
Replacing Pittams was Neale Mulholland, who struck in his first over, producing
an edge through to keeper Love, leaving our hosts teetering at 26-4.
Tag teaming back to Blair, who struck again in his next
over, snaring the wicket of Richard Mitchell to finish his spell with
back-to-back wicket maidens. It must be noted that it is usually the domain of
fiery fast bowlers to intimidate the opposition batsmen; today it was Blair’s
turn, bouncing the unfortunate Yash, who was all of about 13 years old and half
Blair’s height. Whether this was an intentional ploy from the bowler or an
unfortunate outcome of the height disparity, we may never know.
Stair was brought into the attack, replacing Mulholland,
and promptly struck as he often does in his first over, again inducing the edge
through to Love. Replacing Blair at the other end saw Mr 8,000 Man himself take
the ball and promptly take a wicket in his first over as well. After a brief
interruption in the run of wickets, Simon struck again in his second over,
which was the 14th of the match.
Having been taken off after only one over, Mulholland was
brought back to replace Stair and Neale duly proceeded to finish affairs in the
15th over. Inkpen all out for 42.
With the game at an end, the locals informed us the place
to head to for a post-match beverage was the Crown and Garter, just a short
drive and a few lefts and rights down the road. The Crown and Garter was a
lovely spot to end the tour and reminisce about the good time had by all.
Thank you to Simon and Stair for the organisation that goes
into one of these tours and thank you to all the WAGs and babies who came along
and enjoyed a wonderful weekend in the Cotswolds.
Capt: Glen Oliver. Wkt: George Love.
Match report: Freddie Broster-Turley.
