A fine, balmy evening in Barnes awaited the arrival of 22
men good and true to complete a perfect mid-summer scenario. And, indeed, our
opponents Ministry of Justice fulfilled their part of the contract in a
fielding a full 11 men in white. Sadly, as indicated by the customary thread of
WhatsApp messages in the days before, there was nowhere near the requisite
number from the Strollers who were stretched to reach seven.
And lucky we were to get to even this number, given that
two were total newcomers, Aussie Gold Coasters Cam Glaves and Max Mallory,
tapped up only days previously by Jack Le Serve on, of all places, the 137
Clapham omnibus, in addition to which Chris Stevenson was sadly inoperative
owing to having been punched to the ground and given a kicking by North London
yobbos at Finsbury Park tube station two days previously, apparently as
punishment for being on ‘their’ carriage. As Glen Oliver opined, Chris deserved
man of the match just for just turning up.
Formalities concluded, including turfing the local youth
teams off ‘our’ pitch and a gentleman’s agreement that MOJ should bat, the
Strollers took the field with three sub fielders sportingly provided by the
opposition, which led to the observation from the mathematically minded Glen
(yes again) that there were equal numbers of seven on the pitch from each club.
The mathematical realities of having only five active
fielders also led to the skipper’s simple formula of asking all to contribute
four overs. Opening bowlers James Allan and John Low (the latter opening for
possibly the first time ever?) kept the runs initially down to very reasonable
rate but without wickets.
As the run-rate increased on came newcomer Glaves, bowling
canny and parsimonious off-spin off two paces, and Richie Stubbs to settle
things down and start taking wickets. Cam took care of the first three bats for
a miserly eight runs while Richie, having also taken a catch off Cam, got two
wickets of his own, including MOJ’s second-highest scorer Frost to a running
over-the-shoulder catch in the deep leg by Low.
Oliver then came on in his usual finisher role with his
customary two-step swinging whippers (a term used advisedly in view of its
recent appearance on WhatsApp banter), quickly removing MOJ’s highest scorer
Foot for 26, along with three others, ending up with 4-7, helping restrict the
opposition to a normally very gettable 95.
It was now a question of marshalling resources carefully in
view of the depleted batting line-up but cometh the hour, cometh the men, with
our new golden couple Cam and Max (having also kept wicket very cleanly),
opening with instructions to stay in and keep their wickets at all costs.
And stay in and score runs they did, with both boundaries
and good running between the wickets and the help too of a fair number of
extras. Mallory obeyed orders and got to retire at 27, while Glaves fell rather
short of his instructions by being run out on 24. Allan continued the run
scoring, and with Low quickly falling, it was left to Oliver to come in and see
Allan score the winning runs.
Proceedings adjourned to the Red Bull where the newcomers
were solemnly read their rights by the skipper along with a potted history of
the club, a ritual only somewhat spoilt by revealing that they were not
available for the next game as they were off clubbing in Ibiza.
With a short-handed victory like this, will the 7-11 format
become the new winning recipe for the midweek games? Wait for next week’s
thrilling instalment. And a word from the wise for Chris - steer clear of
Finsbury Park tube and stick to the 137 bus.
Capt: Glen Oliver. Wkt: Max Mallory.
Match report: John Low. Match fees: Richard Keightley.
